Your story, "I can't find my way home!" was so charming! Your protagonist, Penny Piggy, has such a cute name! I enjoyed how even when Meep and Claire found their way home, they went back to help Penny.
My favorite two sentences of your story were: (“Oh Penny, I am very lost,” replied little Meep timidly. “It seems I’ve wondered a little too far from home, and now I can’t find my way back. Bo-Peep must be wondering where I am.” “Don’t you worry, Meep! I’ll help you find your way home!” Penny said confidently, forgetting about her current situation.) I could hear Meep's timid voice and Penny's confidence even before you described their tones directly.
For the Negative Feedback (Ugh):
Your sentence "Two more little piggies were going out to lunch; one was craving roast beef, while the other just wanted a salad." was a bit long and confusing. Is there a way you could write it to be more concise?
"Meep the sheep" looks like a full name or title. I think it would look better as "Meep the Sheep." The same idea for "Claire the cow."
(They wrapped their arms tights around their beloved animal friends and began to cry tears of joy.") has a quotation mark at the end that should not be there.
Other than that, your story's character and plot were adorable and fit the nursery rhyme genre very well.
Hi Brianna! Your combination of three nursery rhymes was amazing! When I was younger, I always wondered what would happen if some of my favorite nursery rhyme characters were in one story. It was sweet and reminded me of my childhood, especially the talking animals! I noticed that your banner image was the same as the homepage banner image. If you wanted to, you could change the banner for “I Can’t Find My Way Home!” to something that represents the animals (pig, cow, and sheep)! In the beginning, when you were introducing the Penny’s siblings, it was a bit confusing. If possible, wording the first paragraph differently would help the readers in understanding. I was also confused at the end. Did Penny’s master know that Penny could talk? It would be interesting to see what happens after Penny tells her master and siblings about her adventure. How would they react? These are just a few recommendations, and I hope it helps!
I love the way you merged three cute stories into one. You really did connect the dots (haha). I like that you took short simple rhyme and created a whole story based on family and friendship. I really loved the character Penny Piggy. The cute picture included really helped to sympathize with her. The way you build her into an optimistic fearless leader was nice. It was a stark contrast to her other pub brothers. Clever choice with the P names may I add. A great way to ad more spice to your project is to include a banner. I think it would break up the white that floods the page and add more color. I am also wondering the nature fo the relationship between the pigs and the master. What exactly does the master mean to them? It prob was not the point of the story but I am just curious to know! Overall, cute story! I cannot wait to see the other stories you connect!
I thoroughly enjoyed your introduction to the characters in your storybook. I am particularly impressed by how you manage to convey the emotions of your characters with such clarity using dialogue. The dialogue itself transitions smoothly and seems conversational instead of forced which is rare to see. I wonder how Penny's four brothers and her master felt when she went missing. I hope we get to explore their reactions not only to Penny's disappearance, but also to her retelling of her adventures in more detail. In addition to Penny's family, I am also curious about how Simon Brodie and Little Bo-Peep reacted to their missing animal friends. I have a small suggestion about your introduction: what if you also moved your image of the piglet to the top of the page? That way the reader has a visual in mind for Penny Piggy before they begin reading. I look forward to hearing all about Penny's adventure!
I really liked your introduction and your first storybook story. The whole idea for this project is original and fun, I was excited to read it! The characters were developed in a solid way, I especially enjoyed the empathy that Claire and Meep show to Penny when she needs it most. Will we learn more about the backgrounds of these characters, especially Meep and Claire? Or will the next story be based off of other ryhmes? It was really creative how you tied together these different stories into one engaging narrative. I also liked your use of the fun pig image! The placement of the pig on the page seemed a little off to me though, maybe it was just a bit big of an image. Might be something to consider. Your author's note was helpful and well crafted. This looks like a great start, nicely done! Can't wait to read more of your storybook as you add to it.
I read your first storybook story, and was very entertained! I definitely recognized Little Bo Peep from nursery rhymes, but wasn't as familiar with the other two. I was impressed by your ability to create a well developed story within the framework of only a few characters. I was able to tell where the story was going pretty soon after the story started, but that was okay because I don't think the intent of the story. I wonder how you thought of the idea to have all three nursery rhymes blend into one story; this reminded me of the musical "Into the Woods", which is one of my favorites! I love the idea of crossing over stories that don't usually interact. The only thing I'd have to suggest is that the image itself was potentially a little distracting to the rest of the story. I wish Google Sites had a way of embedding the image in the text, but maybe making it a little smaller would do the trick next time!
I loved your first story! I thought it was so amazing how you combined THREE stories into one. I have seen two stories combined, but this is my first time seeing three. I thought you did a fantastic job, and it has now even given me the confidence to try to combine more stories as well. It felt like one story the entire time, not three, which is a great accomplishment. One thing that confused me was if they found their way home because Penny knew where she was going or she really was just lost. I know she was confident, so was she right or was it really just by luck? I think a little fun detail about this could help create special depth in this story. What if the parents of the three were friends, and that is how they helped Penny get home? I thought it was strange how the three were friends but still had to help her get home. This was a great story, just a few more details and it is FANTASTIC!
I absolutely love how you combined all three stories into one big story. It was also awesome that you included the original nursery rhymes at the bottom too. That made it so much easier to understand how you created your story. The art is also very fitting for the story (Penny is so adorable). Your audience was definitely children and you did a great job of making it easy to read and easy to follow. It was great how you picked the character's names too! Penny starts with a P just like pig. I also had no idea you could change the background banner image. I will have to play around with that. It works great for your story because it helps the reader imagine the setting. Overall, I think you are doing great! I am super excited to see what other stories you combine and explain. Well done!
Hey there Brianna. This was a story that I didn't know that I needed. I think you came up with a great idea for a topic. Nursery rhymes are great becasue everyone knows them so I think it is really cool that you are going to give them a little more substance. I think it was great that you combined all three stories into one narrative. Like I said, very creative. I never thought I would read a story about the silly nursery rhyme about pigs going to market, but here we are. And it was great. I don't know how you crafted such a fun take on nursery rhyme - but you did. I think you have such wholesome storybook project and I can't wait to check back up on it to read some of the other stories that you have to tell. You definitely have one of my favorite projects that I have read so far.
I loved revisiting your storybook, as I loved how you did a combination of stories in your first story. I was excited to see you did it again for the second story! Something I loved about your second story was the cover photo. It did a great job setting the scene for your story. I, again, thought the combination of stories was brilliant and well-executed.
One question I have is why King Idle is the way he is. Is there a specific reason he can never make decisions? Is this where all the king's men get their laziness from? I think some background on the king would be cool.
One suggestion I have would be to show more detail as to the origin of each of the events. Why did Humpty Dumpty fall? Why was the boy pestering the King? Why had the well dried up? I think giving these details would time some loose ends and make this story even stronger than it is!
Hi Brianna! I am back again! As you can see, I loved the concept of your project and was excited to read more from you. “All the King’s Men...Can’t Do Anything” was amazing, and it was a creative way to incorporate the stories together. Once again, the story was full of detail and the writing created a humorous tone as well. I especially loved the ending! It ended with a fun and light aspect. The names reflected the characters’ personality nicely. The story was wonderful, but I was curious about a few things. How did King Idle become King if he is extremely lazy? How did he come to be this way? Was King Idle always this lazy and indecisive? Or did a certain event create a shift in his work ethic? These are some things you could explore in your story if you wanted! I can not wait to read another one of your stories!
I just read "All the King's Men" and, first of all, I just want to say I like the banner picture for your story. I also think it would look really good as a background behind the words.
As for the story, I really like your idea of combining nursery rhymes, although I don't believe I've heard of "Hick a more, Hack a more" or "A well". The names you give your characters are great and fit that nursery rhyme kind of vibe by naming the king "King Idle" and the main horse of the lazy group of men "Lax". Something that I wondered was how did the citizens feel about their king being so indecisive? I would think that at some point they would start revolting because nothing was getting accomplished. I wonder if, at the end of the story, you could add some consequences for the king being so indecisive and his group of men being so lazy. Great story and can't wait to read the next one!
Hi Brianna! This is such a fun idea for a project. I could really hear the voice of the character in your first story, Penny Pig. It was really entertaining to read along with the journeys of the nursery rhyme characters. At first, I didn’t realize how the different nursery rhymes where going to come together in your story collection. After reading your first story though, I think that I have a good idea of what you are going for. It really works for retelling classic stories like nursery rhymes. I also think that it was great to include the original rhymes that your were referencing at the end of your story.
Your second story was also nicely done. Was there a particular reason that your left this story on somewhat of a cliffhanger? It definitely leaves wanting to know more about what the King is going to decide. Great start on your project so far!
Your storybook is hands down one my favorite storybooks that I have read this semester! I absolutely love the idea of re-telling nursery rhymes! That is so fun and unique. Additionally, I love how you wrote stories specifically for children. I feel like your storybook is the first one to do this. Your introductory page is excellent. It is short, sweet, and tells the reader exactly what to expect. My favorite part of your introduction was your title! The play on words makes this storybook that much better! It is so creative and clever! I appreciate that you included the original nursery rhymes below your story! It was nice to have a little bit of a refresher on these classic rhymes!
My favorite story in your storybook is " I Can't Find My Way Home." It was adorable and made me feel like I was a little child. Honestly, after I was done reading it, I couldn't think of a question or part of the story that confused me! I feel that everything was made super clear and the story was very easy to follow! Good job on that!
Going forward, I encourage you to keep using creative details (such as the names of the animals) that you used in "I Can't Find My Way Home." That was definitely a strength of this story. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hi Brianna! I liked how you connected the three nursery rhymes together like that. It was seamless how the other characters and their connection to the nursery rhymes were introduced into the story. I loved that you gave the characters names. I think naming things are creative and automatically gives them a sort of power over their story. The way you connect the stories is very creative! I think it would be hard to expand on such little original content. I laughed when I read that the king would let Languid know his decision soon. The repetition throughout the story also aided in connecting the three different tasks. I also liked how you explained the inspiration behind your story or your process for coming up with names in your author's note. It is always nice to get a glimpse of someone's creative process. I enjoyed your stories and can't wait to read how you connect other nursery rhymes!
I loved how you connected the three stories together, it really made the story much more interesting than a simple retelling of one story. I especially liked that you gave the characters life, by giving them more of a personality and an actual name. This made it very fun to read, and actually got me invested in the characters. I loved how you characterized Penny Pig, by giving her more of a protagonist role. The names were probably my favorite part, but including the nursery rhymes themselves was also very useful. One thing I might suggest is perhaps using a banner in your story. It could add some color to the screen, and serve to break up the white space. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your story, and thought you did a fantastic job of writing creatively. I can't wait to read the rest of your storybook!
Hi Brianna! First off, I love your project! I am doing my StoryBook based off of different nursery rhymes as well. I love how you were able to blend multiple rhymes so effortlessly. It really showcases your creativity… and you connected the dots!! In your first story, “I Can’t Find My Way Home!”, I appreciated how you were able to find a common theme between all of the rhymes. I also liked the names that you gave to each of the characters. Keeping the same letter (Claire the Cow) helped me keep who was who straight. Having the original nursery rhymes at the bottom of both of your stories was also very helpful so that we can see just how short and simple the original rhymes are. I might have to add that to my project…! In your story “All the King’s Men… Can’t Do Anything”, I thought the names that you gave to the characters were very fitting. Great work!
Hi Brianna! I love how you created your whole project on nursery rhymes! That is really wild! I read the story about being generous with giving away wool and I am really impressed by how well it was written! Also, your authors notes helped a lot too and I appreciate that you shared the rhymes with us. One question I had however was maybe using a banner to the story to add some color. Oh and maybe add some pictures as well! This would be super fun to read before bed and who knows maybe this could become a night time nursery rhyme project for people. Anyways, this was awesome. I am excited to read some more of your project next!
This was my first time seeing your storybook. I love nursery rhymes, so it was about time I checked it out. Immediately, I loved how light-hearted and whimsical your writing is. Penny's story was just so cute and perfect, that I could imagine myself reading it to my young ones. You did a great job of connecting several nursery rhymes together, and it read so smooth and appropriate. The black sheep story did have a couple grammatical errors, and I think it would be cute to add pictures of the other characters that are introduced in the stories as well. Other than that, you did a fantastic job and I think you killed this project!
I was so excited to visit your page again! I come back more amazed every time at your incredible writing ability. You really have mastered the art of storytelling in my opinion.
When looking at your story text and how it is broken up, you did a fantastic job of making sure your paragraphs were not too long or short. I think, for the most part, they are a great length and easy to read.
My one comment was about your photo and text at the header of your third story. The text blends into the photo and makes it a little difficult to read. I think my changing the color of the text it could make it easier to read. I know you are probably trying to match all your pages though, so that would just be a personal decision!
I have enjoyed visiting your page and reading your stories, and I hope you will continue to write even after this course!
This is such a fun idea for a storybook! Writing using nursery rhymes can be really interesting because they are usually so short that they leave you as the author a lot of room to incorporate your own ideas and voice. I think you have done a great job of weaving together different rhymes to great your own unique stories. It's nice to be able to read the original nursery rhymes at the end of your story and see how they inspired your stories. I appreciated that you kind of walked us through your though process for coming up with an idea for each story in your author's notes. I also really liked how you used the rhymes to come up with your characters but you told entirely new stories with them. The unique banner images on each page were really cool also. It was nice to see how each image connected to story on that page. I kind of wish the image on the homepage had more to do with the nursery rhymes actually used in your stories though. Overall, really great job!
Your storybook is so sweet! The children's nursery rhymes are such a nice subject to adapt into stories, and you've done a great job with creatively expressing them. I can tell you really put a lot of work into your storytelling and writing. It definitely pays off for a pleasant and fun Storybook! I always heard the Five Toes nursery rhyme as "wee wee wee all the way home", so it was interesting to see your version! I love the names you chose in the lazy king story like Languid and Lax. Those details really add a lot to crafting the world of the story. There's some really great lessons there about overcoming obstacles and not giving up! These all really felt like children's stories. Your website is very cute too. You've done a great job!
Hi Brianna! I loved getting to come back to this storybook. It was one of my favorites from the very beginning and I can definitely say that I was looking forward to coming back and getting to continue on with the story. This week, the feedback we give is supposed to be focused on how effectively paragraphs and formatting are used within storybooks. I feel like it is fitting for me to be visiting your page and writing about this topic, as I quite enjoy how you format your paragraphs in each of your stories. When reading Georgey’s First Kiss, I noticed your use of spacing and italics to discuss the song that the little children were singing to taunt Georgey. I felt that this was a very effective way to bring attention to the song lyrics and I felt that it really added to your story. I also enjoyed that you split your big paragraphs into one or two lines each because I felt that it helped set the pace for me as the reader! Great job!
Oh my goodness, what a gem of a storybook! I honestly think this is my favorite of all the ones I've read this semester - it's so adorable but incredibly creative. I just really enjoyed seeing the way that you connected all of the old nursery rhymes together into cohesive stories, and how you changed them to have happy endings (I'm a happy-ending kinda girl too, so I very much appreciated that decision on your part!). I particularly thought the "Georgy's First Kiss" story was super cute; I think it was my favorite. Well, maybe tied with "All the King's Men," because that one was just really clever. Also, your website layout is great - the images you have on it are perfectly suited to the content, it's easy to navigate, and the formatting looks aesthetically in line with the stories themselves. All in all, awesome job. Good luck with the rest of the semester! :)
Your storybook is absolutely adorable. It is such a fun read and brings me back to my childhood! I enjoy reading your stories. As far as paragraphs go, I think you do an excellent job of formatting them! I have noticed that most of your stories contain dialogue. I appreciate that you use shorter paragraphs because of it. The use of shorter paragraphs makes the dialogue flow much better and it makes it more clear to the reader who is speaking and what is happening! Great job with that! Additionally, I like the paragraph structuring of your author's note. I like how the first paragraph describes your creative process and how the following paragraphs are the actual sources of your story! It makes your page look very neat and organized. Overall, you are doing a fantastic job on your storybook! It all goes together so well and I am very impressed. Keep up the good work and good luck with the rest of the semester!
Hi Brianna! I love this storybook idea! I think that many of the folktales I have read in this course have clear morals that could be used as great storytelling tools for kids. Visually, your storybook appeals exactly to this audience which is wonderful! The pictures are whimsical with many light, pastel colors complementing the youthful theme of the project. My personal favorite story was Georgey's first kiss. You did a great job spinning Georgey's character into something else. Instead of having him be a little naughty boy, I fell in love with the most adorable little boy who had the most innocent intentions. It is very impressive that you combined many nursery rhymes to create the story-- this must take a lot of creativity and flexibility. Finally, it was very satisfying to see Georgey getting a little smooch in the end. I think it would be interesting to know what this little boy's parents were like? What was his upbringing like? How was he raised? Anyways, I love your work, and I cannot wait to read more!
Hi Brianna, I love the originality of your stories. I have always been a big fan of nursery rhymes growing up and still remember my mother reading them to me. That is why is refreshing when I read the various stories that you wrote and see the connections of different stories that I have read and listened to in the past! I felt as I could tell the true personality of the characters. You brought them to life not only by your writing but also by giving them each names to make them significant. I think my favorite story I read was probably “Baley Black Sheep’s Wool”. I liked the character Baley a lot and thought she was very smart going around trading her wool for various different things. I also liked the ending of the story I felt it wrapped it up nicely. I like how you ended it with her never being greedy and how the words of someone can really impact the behavior another has.
Your story, "I can't find my way home!" was so charming! Your protagonist, Penny Piggy, has such a cute name! I enjoyed how even when Meep and Claire found their way home, they went back to help Penny.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite two sentences of your story were:
(“Oh Penny, I am very lost,” replied little Meep timidly. “It seems I’ve wondered a little too far from home, and now I can’t find my way back. Bo-Peep must be wondering where I am.”
“Don’t you worry, Meep! I’ll help you find your way home!” Penny said confidently, forgetting about her current situation.) I could hear Meep's timid voice and Penny's confidence even before you described their tones directly.
For the Negative Feedback (Ugh):
Your sentence "Two more little piggies were going out to lunch; one was craving roast beef, while the other just wanted a salad." was a bit long and confusing. Is there a way you could write it to be more concise?
"Meep the sheep" looks like a full name or title. I think it would look better as "Meep the Sheep." The same idea for "Claire the cow."
(They wrapped their arms tights around their beloved animal friends and began to cry tears of joy.") has a quotation mark at the end that should not be there.
Other than that, your story's character and plot were adorable and fit the nursery rhyme genre very well.
Hi Brianna!
ReplyDeleteYour combination of three nursery rhymes was amazing! When I was younger, I always wondered what would happen if some of my favorite nursery rhyme characters were in one story. It was sweet and reminded me of my childhood, especially the talking animals! I noticed that your banner image was the same as the homepage banner image. If you wanted to, you could change the banner for “I Can’t Find My Way Home!” to something that represents the animals (pig, cow, and sheep)! In the beginning, when you were introducing the Penny’s siblings, it was a bit confusing. If possible, wording the first paragraph differently would help the readers in understanding. I was also confused at the end. Did Penny’s master know that Penny could talk? It would be interesting to see what happens after Penny tells her master and siblings about her adventure. How would they react? These are just a few recommendations, and I hope it helps!
Hi Brianna!
ReplyDeleteI love the way you merged three cute stories into one. You really did connect the dots (haha). I like that you took short simple rhyme and created a whole story based on family and friendship. I really loved the character Penny Piggy. The cute picture included really helped to sympathize with her. The way you build her into an optimistic fearless leader was nice. It was a stark contrast to her other pub brothers. Clever choice with the P names may I add. A great way to ad more spice to your project is to include a banner. I think it would break up the white that floods the page and add more color. I am also wondering the nature fo the relationship between the pigs and the master. What exactly does the master mean to them? It prob was not the point of the story but I am just curious to know! Overall, cute story! I cannot wait to see the other stories you connect!
Hello Brianna!
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed your introduction to the characters in your storybook. I am particularly impressed by how you manage to convey the emotions of your characters with such clarity using dialogue. The dialogue itself transitions smoothly and seems conversational instead of forced which is rare to see. I wonder how Penny's four brothers and her master felt when she went missing. I hope we get to explore their reactions not only to Penny's disappearance, but also to her retelling of her adventures in more detail. In addition to Penny's family, I am also curious about how Simon Brodie and Little Bo-Peep reacted to their missing animal friends. I have a small suggestion about your introduction: what if you also moved your image of the piglet to the top of the page? That way the reader has a visual in mind for Penny Piggy before they begin reading. I look forward to hearing all about Penny's adventure!
Hey Brianna!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your introduction and your first storybook story. The whole idea for this project is original and fun, I was excited to read it! The characters were developed in a solid way, I especially enjoyed the empathy that Claire and Meep show to Penny when she needs it most. Will we learn more about the backgrounds of these characters, especially Meep and Claire? Or will the next story be based off of other ryhmes? It was really creative how you tied together these different stories into one engaging narrative. I also liked your use of the fun pig image! The placement of the pig on the page seemed a little off to me though, maybe it was just a bit big of an image. Might be something to consider. Your author's note was helpful and well crafted. This looks like a great start, nicely done! Can't wait to read more of your storybook as you add to it.
Hi Brianna!
ReplyDeleteI read your first storybook story, and was very entertained! I definitely recognized Little Bo Peep from nursery rhymes, but wasn't as familiar with the other two. I was impressed by your ability to create a well developed story within the framework of only a few characters. I was able to tell where the story was going pretty soon after the story started, but that was okay because I don't think the intent of the story. I wonder how you thought of the idea to have all three nursery rhymes blend into one story; this reminded me of the musical "Into the Woods", which is one of my favorites! I love the idea of crossing over stories that don't usually interact. The only thing I'd have to suggest is that the image itself was potentially a little distracting to the rest of the story. I wish Google Sites had a way of embedding the image in the text, but maybe making it a little smaller would do the trick next time!
Brianna,
ReplyDeleteI loved your first story! I thought it was so amazing how you combined THREE stories into one. I have seen two stories combined, but this is my first time seeing three. I thought you did a fantastic job, and it has now even given me the confidence to try to combine more stories as well. It felt like one story the entire time, not three, which is a great accomplishment. One thing that confused me was if they found their way home because Penny knew where she was going or she really was just lost. I know she was confident, so was she right or was it really just by luck? I think a little fun detail about this could help create special depth in this story. What if the parents of the three were friends, and that is how they helped Penny get home? I thought it was strange how the three were friends but still had to help her get home. This was a great story, just a few more details and it is FANTASTIC!
Hi Brianna!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love how you combined all three stories into one big story. It was also awesome that you included the original nursery rhymes at the bottom too. That made it so much easier to understand how you created your story. The art is also very fitting for the story (Penny is so adorable). Your audience was definitely children and you did a great job of making it easy to read and easy to follow. It was great how you picked the character's names too! Penny starts with a P just like pig. I also had no idea you could change the background banner image. I will have to play around with that. It works great for your story because it helps the reader imagine the setting. Overall, I think you are doing great! I am super excited to see what other stories you combine and explain. Well done!
Hey there Brianna. This was a story that I didn't know that I needed. I think you came up with a great idea for a topic. Nursery rhymes are great becasue everyone knows them so I think it is really cool that you are going to give them a little more substance. I think it was great that you combined all three stories into one narrative. Like I said, very creative. I never thought I would read a story about the silly nursery rhyme about pigs going to market, but here we are. And it was great. I don't know how you crafted such a fun take on nursery rhyme - but you did. I think you have such wholesome storybook project and I can't wait to check back up on it to read some of the other stories that you have to tell. You definitely have one of my favorite projects that I have read so far.
ReplyDeleteBrianna,
ReplyDeleteI loved revisiting your storybook, as I loved how you did a combination of stories in your first story. I was excited to see you did it again for the second story! Something I loved about your second story was the cover photo. It did a great job setting the scene for your story. I, again, thought the combination of stories was brilliant and well-executed.
One question I have is why King Idle is the way he is. Is there a specific reason he can never make decisions? Is this where all the king's men get their laziness from? I think some background on the king would be cool.
One suggestion I have would be to show more detail as to the origin of each of the events. Why did Humpty Dumpty fall? Why was the boy pestering the King? Why had the well dried up? I think giving these details would time some loose ends and make this story even stronger than it is!
I love your work and cannot wait to read more.
Hi Brianna!
ReplyDeleteI am back again! As you can see, I loved the concept of your project and was excited to read more from you. “All the King’s Men...Can’t Do Anything” was amazing, and it was a creative way to incorporate the stories together. Once again, the story was full of detail and the writing created a humorous tone as well. I especially loved the ending! It ended with a fun and light aspect. The names reflected the characters’ personality nicely. The story was wonderful, but I was curious about a few things. How did King Idle become King if he is extremely lazy? How did he come to be this way? Was King Idle always this lazy and indecisive? Or did a certain event create a shift in his work ethic? These are some things you could explore in your story if you wanted! I can not wait to read another one of your stories!
Hi Brianna,
ReplyDeleteI just read "All the King's Men" and, first of all, I just want to say I like the banner picture for your story. I also think it would look really good as a background behind the words.
As for the story, I really like your idea of combining nursery rhymes, although I don't believe I've heard of "Hick a more, Hack a more" or "A well". The names you give your characters are great and fit that nursery rhyme kind of vibe by naming the king "King Idle" and the main horse of the lazy group of men "Lax". Something that I wondered was how did the citizens feel about their king being so indecisive? I would think that at some point they would start revolting because nothing was getting accomplished. I wonder if, at the end of the story, you could add some consequences for the king being so indecisive and his group of men being so lazy. Great story and can't wait to read the next one!
Hi Brianna! This is such a fun idea for a project. I could really hear the voice of the character in your first story, Penny Pig. It was really entertaining to read along with the journeys of the nursery rhyme characters. At first, I didn’t realize how the different nursery rhymes where going to come together in your story collection. After reading your first story though, I think that I have a good idea of what you are going for. It really works for retelling classic stories like nursery rhymes. I also think that it was great to include the original rhymes that your were referencing at the end of your story.
ReplyDeleteYour second story was also nicely done. Was there a particular reason that your left this story on somewhat of a cliffhanger? It definitely leaves wanting to know more about what the King is going to decide. Great start on your project so far!
Hi Brianna!
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is hands down one my favorite storybooks that I have read this semester! I absolutely love the idea of re-telling nursery rhymes! That is so fun and unique. Additionally, I love how you wrote stories specifically for children. I feel like your storybook is the first one to do this. Your introductory page is excellent. It is short, sweet, and tells the reader exactly what to expect. My favorite part of your introduction was your title! The play on words makes this storybook that much better! It is so creative and clever! I appreciate that you included the original nursery rhymes below your story! It was nice to have a little bit of a refresher on these classic rhymes!
My favorite story in your storybook is " I Can't Find My Way Home." It was adorable and made me feel like I was a little child. Honestly, after I was done reading it, I couldn't think of a question or part of the story that confused me! I feel that everything was made super clear and the story was very easy to follow! Good job on that!
Going forward, I encourage you to keep using creative details (such as the names of the animals) that you used in "I Can't Find My Way Home." That was definitely a strength of this story. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hi Brianna! I liked how you connected the three nursery rhymes together like that. It was seamless how the other characters and their connection to the nursery rhymes were introduced into the story. I loved that you gave the characters names. I think naming things are creative and automatically gives them a sort of power over their story. The way you connect the stories is very creative! I think it would be hard to expand on such little original content. I laughed when I read that the king would let Languid know his decision soon. The repetition throughout the story also aided in connecting the three different tasks. I also liked how you explained the inspiration behind your story or your process for coming up with names in your author's note. It is always nice to get a glimpse of someone's creative process. I enjoyed your stories and can't wait to read how you connect other nursery rhymes!
ReplyDeleteHi Brianna!
ReplyDeleteI loved how you connected the three stories together, it really made the story much more interesting than a simple retelling of one story. I especially liked that you gave the characters life, by giving them more of a personality and an actual name. This made it very fun to read, and actually got me invested in the characters. I loved how you characterized Penny Pig, by giving her more of a protagonist role. The names were probably my favorite part, but including the nursery rhymes themselves was also very useful. One thing I might suggest is perhaps using a banner in your story. It could add some color to the screen, and serve to break up the white space. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your story, and thought you did a fantastic job of writing creatively. I can't wait to read the rest of your storybook!
Hi Brianna!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love your project! I am doing my StoryBook based off of different nursery rhymes as well. I love how you were able to blend multiple rhymes so effortlessly. It really showcases your creativity… and you connected the dots!! In your first story, “I Can’t Find My Way Home!”, I appreciated how you were able to find a common theme between all of the rhymes. I also liked the names that you gave to each of the characters. Keeping the same letter (Claire the Cow) helped me keep who was who straight. Having the original nursery rhymes at the bottom of both of your stories was also very helpful so that we can see just how short and simple the original rhymes are. I might have to add that to my project…! In your story “All the King’s Men… Can’t Do Anything”, I thought the names that you gave to the characters were very fitting. Great work!
Hi Brianna! I love how you created your whole project on nursery rhymes! That is really wild! I read the story about being generous with giving away wool and I am really impressed by how well it was written! Also, your authors notes helped a lot too and I appreciate that you shared the rhymes with us. One question I had however was maybe using a banner to the story to add some color. Oh and maybe add some pictures as well! This would be super fun to read before bed and who knows maybe this could become a night time nursery rhyme project for people. Anyways, this was awesome. I am excited to read some more of your project next!
ReplyDeleteHey Brianna,
ReplyDeleteThis was my first time seeing your storybook. I love nursery rhymes, so it was about time I checked it out. Immediately, I loved how light-hearted and whimsical your writing is. Penny's story was just so cute and perfect, that I could imagine myself reading it to my young ones. You did a great job of connecting several nursery rhymes together, and it read so smooth and appropriate. The black sheep story did have a couple grammatical errors, and I think it would be cute to add pictures of the other characters that are introduced in the stories as well. Other than that, you did a fantastic job and I think you killed this project!
Brianna,
ReplyDeleteI was so excited to visit your page again! I come back more amazed every time at your incredible writing ability. You really have mastered the art of storytelling in my opinion.
When looking at your story text and how it is broken up, you did a fantastic job of making sure your paragraphs were not too long or short. I think, for the most part, they are a great length and easy to read.
My one comment was about your photo and text at the header of your third story. The text blends into the photo and makes it a little difficult to read. I think my changing the color of the text it could make it easier to read. I know you are probably trying to match all your pages though, so that would just be a personal decision!
I have enjoyed visiting your page and reading your stories, and I hope you will continue to write even after this course!
Hi Brianna,
ReplyDeleteThis is such a fun idea for a storybook! Writing using nursery rhymes can be really interesting because they are usually so short that they leave you as the author a lot of room to incorporate your own ideas and voice. I think you have done a great job of weaving together different rhymes to great your own unique stories. It's nice to be able to read the original nursery rhymes at the end of your story and see how they inspired your stories. I appreciated that you kind of walked us through your though process for coming up with an idea for each story in your author's notes. I also really liked how you used the rhymes to come up with your characters but you told entirely new stories with them. The unique banner images on each page were really cool also. It was nice to see how each image connected to story on that page. I kind of wish the image on the homepage had more to do with the nursery rhymes actually used in your stories though. Overall, really great job!
Hi Brianna,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is so sweet! The children's nursery rhymes are such a nice subject to adapt into stories, and you've done a great job with creatively expressing them. I can tell you really put a lot of work into your storytelling and writing. It definitely pays off for a pleasant and fun Storybook!
I always heard the Five Toes nursery rhyme as "wee wee wee all the way home", so it was interesting to see your version!
I love the names you chose in the lazy king story like Languid and Lax. Those details really add a lot to crafting the world of the story. There's some really great lessons there about overcoming obstacles and not giving up!
These all really felt like children's stories. Your website is very cute too. You've done a great job!
- Cate
Hi Brianna! I loved getting to come back to this storybook. It was one of my favorites from the very beginning and I can definitely say that I was looking forward to coming back and getting to continue on with the story. This week, the feedback we give is supposed to be focused on how effectively paragraphs and formatting are used within storybooks. I feel like it is fitting for me to be visiting your page and writing about this topic, as I quite enjoy how you format your paragraphs in each of your stories. When reading Georgey’s First Kiss, I noticed your use of spacing and italics to discuss the song that the little children were singing to taunt Georgey. I felt that this was a very effective way to bring attention to the song lyrics and I felt that it really added to your story. I also enjoyed that you split your big paragraphs into one or two lines each because I felt that it helped set the pace for me as the reader! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Brianna!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, what a gem of a storybook! I honestly think this is my favorite of all the ones I've read this semester - it's so adorable but incredibly creative. I just really enjoyed seeing the way that you connected all of the old nursery rhymes together into cohesive stories, and how you changed them to have happy endings (I'm a happy-ending kinda girl too, so I very much appreciated that decision on your part!). I particularly thought the "Georgy's First Kiss" story was super cute; I think it was my favorite. Well, maybe tied with "All the King's Men," because that one was just really clever. Also, your website layout is great - the images you have on it are perfectly suited to the content, it's easy to navigate, and the formatting looks aesthetically in line with the stories themselves. All in all, awesome job. Good luck with the rest of the semester! :)
Hi Brianna!
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is absolutely adorable. It is such a fun read and brings me back to my childhood! I enjoy reading your stories. As far as paragraphs go, I think you do an excellent job of formatting them! I have noticed that most of your stories contain dialogue. I appreciate that you use shorter paragraphs because of it. The use of shorter paragraphs makes the dialogue flow much better and it makes it more clear to the reader who is speaking and what is happening! Great job with that! Additionally, I like the paragraph structuring of your author's note. I like how the first paragraph describes your creative process and how the following paragraphs are the actual sources of your story! It makes your page look very neat and organized. Overall, you are doing a fantastic job on your storybook! It all goes together so well and I am very impressed. Keep up the good work and good luck with the rest of the semester!
Hi Brianna!
ReplyDeleteI love this storybook idea! I think that many of the folktales I have read in this course have clear morals that could be used as great storytelling tools for kids. Visually, your storybook appeals exactly to this audience which is wonderful! The pictures are whimsical with many light, pastel colors complementing the youthful theme of the project.
My personal favorite story was Georgey's first kiss. You did a great job spinning Georgey's character into something else. Instead of having him be a little naughty boy, I fell in love with the most adorable little boy who had the most innocent intentions. It is very impressive that you combined many nursery rhymes to create the story-- this must take a lot of creativity and flexibility. Finally, it was very satisfying to see Georgey getting a little smooch in the end. I think it would be interesting to know what this little boy's parents were like? What was his upbringing like? How was he raised?
Anyways, I love your work, and I cannot wait to read more!
Hi Brianna,
ReplyDeleteI love the originality of your stories. I have always been a big fan of nursery rhymes growing up and still remember my mother reading them to me. That is why is refreshing when I read the various stories that you wrote and see the connections of different stories that I have read and listened to in the past! I felt as I could tell the true personality of the characters. You brought them to life not only by your writing but also by giving them each names to make them significant. I think my favorite story I read was probably “Baley Black Sheep’s Wool”. I liked the character Baley a lot and thought she was very smart going around trading her wool for various different things. I also liked the ending of the story I felt it wrapped it up nicely. I like how you ended it with her never being greedy and how the words of someone can really impact the behavior another has.